A quick exercise to increase your Emotional Intelligence

Whenever I ask my classes of students if there is ‘anybody here that has heard of the term Emotional Intelligence?’ about half put their hands up.  Of that half, I’d say on average, half of that number have heard of the term but are unsure what Emotional Intelligence is.

Now, I could give you a textbook definition so that the interpretation of the term is clear for you to understand, or I could direct you to one of the many definitions available through a simple internet search but, I’m not going to do that.

Why?

Because you already KNOW what Emotional Intelligence is!  And I will prove this to you now.

Think of someone who has created a positive impact in your life - ideally, someone who may have been one of your teachers, or colleagues; possibly a coach, a mentor or more likely a boss.  Picture that person in your mind’s eye for a moment.  Remember, it must be someone who has left a positive indelible impression on you. 

Can you see them?  Do you know why they’re appearing in your consciousness like a friendly ghost? 

All will soon be revealed…

Ready?

Now, grab a pen and a piece of paper and write a list of one-word adjectives that describes that person.  Aim for about 8 to 10.  Are you struggling?  Okay, I’ll give you the first one for free to get you started, how about ‘Honest’ or ‘Honesty’?

Take a quick break from reading so that you can do this and then read on when you’ve finished this exercise.

What you have in front of you is a list of behavioural attributes that are probably emotionally intelligent behavioural traits.  As you recalled your mental image of this person and recollected how they used to operate – or maybe still do if they are currently in your life – you will have probably remembered them with a sense of warmth and fondness. Why?  Because you like them of course! 

You like them for who they are and what they stand for.  You like them for what they do or did.  You like them for how they conducted themselves and importantly, how they treated you.  They were probably supportive.  They probably listened.  And you would, if asked, work harder for them, harder than you would for other people – because you wanted to. 

Emotionally intelligent behaviour is an integral part of effective and positive leadership.  People are drawn to those demonstrating high EI behaviours.  Emotional Intelligence creates a positive followership.  People with high EI are listened to because they are respected.  Followers feel obliged to please them. 

Followers like you! 

What’s more, studies show that people with high levels of EI tend to do better in business as well as in life in general.  That’s why I strongly believe that developing emotional intelligent behaviours should be part of every school curriculum.  It’s my view that they are far more likely to be beneficial than studying algorithms for example. (No offence intended to all those mathematicians, economists and computer scientists out there!)

How do increase your emotional intelligence?  Use your positive role models but always remember what comes naturally.  Be accurate in your own self-assessment.  Ask yourself if others view you in the same way that you view your role model?

Collective EI behaviours create great organisational cultures.  They create companies that are considered as great places to work.  Great culture creates great performance.  Great performance usually leads to increased profit margins and the organisation wins repeat business because they also become great companies to work with.

You know what to do!

With best wishes in all that you do.

Keith

How’s your culture?

Hello!

 It’s been a while!

Apologies to anyone that may have missed my ramblings but so much has happened in the last 11 months such as relocating back to the UK and a job change however, I’m now planning to getting back to producing regular posts – still on the focus of leadership, management and emotional intelligence so at least there’s no change there.

This month’s focus is on culture – as in the culture of the organisation and how it directly affects organisational performance. 

A healthy culture drives good performance.  And that’s it! 

If only all Managers would remember that!

I’ll never forget walking into a medical centre and reading a sign on the wall stating, ‘Our patients always come first.’  Then I met the receptionist who did what seemed to be her level best at being rude, abrupt and cold.  So much for service!  I hate to stereotype and I’m no way implying that all medical receptionists are like this – anymore than all car mechanics will try to rip you off at every opportunity; nor am I saying that all real estate agents are liars.  They’re not. 

But some are.

The question is why?  I appreciate that we all have bad days but what if this behaviour is endemic across the organisation?  The answer I believe is likely to be found within the organisational culture.   No amount of value statements or customer promises are of any use if they don’t live up to reality.

If you were given a list of prescribed behaviours in a staff handbook during your induction or on-boarding process, and you can clearly see that the organisation isn’t upholding their promises – then tear them up!  Having them look back at you will only increase your frustration and serve as a reminder of how you were tricked into believing what you were first told when you joined.  Remember? Being excited and nervous; hoping that you’d made the right decision to sign the contract that now binds you to this organisation that’s been lying to you from the very start.  Just ignore them, do your own thing and realize that no matter where you go in your professional life, it will always be like this.  Live with it.  And now you have an open license to behave as miserably and obnoxiously as everybody else.

Or, you could try and make a difference. 

Irrespective of where you sit in your organisation you do have the power and the responsibility to promote good values.  It doesn’t matter if you clean hospital corridors or run a profit making organisation – you can still make a difference.  You start by thinking of the image that you portray to others.  Are you helpful?  Are you aloof? Take a close and honest look at your own behaviours and concentrate on how others may perceive you.  The constant display of a positive and welcoming disposition creates interest from others.  People will become drawn to you.  People will like you.  And soon, some will even start to act like you.  Granted, sometimes it may feel like shovelling water uphill but over time, it will cause an effect.  These are the first steps in creating a positive identity and culture.  You will begin to motivate others to act more appropriately and I can guarantee that they will feel better about themselves as will you.  You can make a difference.

Unfortunately, many middle and senior managers are driven by the bottom line.  That being how much revenue they can bring into the company – or how many of their targets they’ve met this quarter and so on.  It’s usually how their performance is assessed and rewarded.  These managers often become so focused on the metrics that they forget how to behave.  They lose sight of the fact that they can and do influence the culture which impacts directly on those around them initially – and then the reputation of the organisation eventually.  The constant pressures placed on them to succeed in these areas often leads to them engineering win/lose situations – when winning comes at almost all cost.  What they also forget is that usually, their success rate is directly or indirectly dependent on the performances of others.  And there’s the rub.  If those other people are disenfranchised because the manager is creating a negative culture, then the manager’s chances of success diminishes.  What’s more, because of their behaviours, these managers start to lose repeat business and find themselves working even harder to hit their targets as they’re always having to find new clients to win over.  It becomes self-perpetuating and causes long-term and sometimes irreparable damage to the business that they represent.

Culture is such an important cornerstone to an organisation’s success.  Sick cultures often come back to bite you.  Look what happened recently at the BBC. 

Culture; how to influence and transform it is a huge area that clearly could never be covered in a single blog post.  My aim here is to get you to think about the culture of your organisation and how you may make a difference.

If you work for an organisation that doesn’t live up to its values or, if you are a business owner, take a few minutes to think about the current culture-state of your organisation this weekend,  then think about how you may influence it for the better.

Wishing you well in all that you do,

Keith

Give your workforce the ‘Trophy’

Picture the scene.  You’ve been given a tight deadline.  Unrealistic some may say.  The work you need to do will eat-in to your personal life, but it’s something that you just have to do.  You will have to tell your family that you need space and time to get this done, which means that you won’t be available to attend the party you said would go to, you can no longer go to your child’s play or visit the relative that you promised you would.  Looks of disappointment come your way.  Perhaps a few arguments break out?  Guilt weighing heavily on your shoulders coupled with the stress of performing for your boss to ‘pull it out of the bag’ is making you wish that you were somewhere else.  If only you were on a beach in the sunshine with a good book and a cocktail or two.  But the work needs to be done and it must be completed on-time. 

And so you work, in isolation, throughout the night to complete the much-needed project.  By 4am you’ve read through your proposals and recommendations a thousand times.  You’ve made more amendments than you can remember.  In your mind, it’s a masterpiece.  Your brilliant work is ready for submission.  You ensure that all of the attachments to your covering email are there.  You don’t want to fall at the last fence and make your boss think that you’re too stupid to remember those attachments!  And you hit send.  You check your ‘sent box’ to make sure that the work has been transported to your boss’s computer, wherever that may be – but wherever your boss is you know that they’re probably fast asleep and oblivious to the effort you’ve made as well as the fights you’ve had with your family about having to work so late. Still, you’re pleased with yourself.  You did it!  As you turn off your computer and get ready to snatch what’s left of your sleep allowance you begin to wonder what they’ll think of your work.  Will their opinions of you change?  Will they now finally realise your brilliance?  Will they now understand and appreciate how hard you work?  No doubt they’ll tell you in the morning – or what’s left of it anyway.

And then…. Nothing!

You’re 100-page document with appendices and flow charts, examples and well-constructed arguments is ignored.  You begin to worry that perhaps they didn’t receive your work.  Check your ‘sent box’ again!  No, it went.  It was sent at 0410am.  But they’ve not mentioned it.  Not one word.  Maybe they haven’t had the time to read it yet.  Maybe they’re thinking up the correct words to tell you how brilliant they consider your work to be.  But, maybe they hate it!  Maybe they’re considering ways of getting rid of you because of it?  Maybe they’ll talk to you later, tomorrow perhaps? 

But tomorrow never comes.

If you’re in the business of allocating projects and setting deadlines for your workforce to meet then it’s only fair that you provide them with the feedback they’re expecting at the end of the arrangement.  Lack of useful feedback means lack of direction and leads to frustration.  If you consider yourself to be a leader, then you must provide your followers with direction, not only before a task but on completion.  How else will they ever develop if they’re working blindly never knowing if they’ve met their objectives or even got close?   Very few employees will purposefully provide their bosses with poor work; so they may very well have tried their level best to give you what they believed you wanted. In order to provide effective feedback to your workforce, you may wish to consider the ‘Trophy’ acronym that I have developed over the years.  And it goes like this:

T – is for ‘Timely’.  Timely feedback is vital to correct errors and aide in the development of your team member.  It’s also very useful as a motivational tool so that hard work is recognised in a timely manner and the individual is rewarded appropriately.  Such reward could be as simple as a ‘thanks’ or some other acknowledgment for the work completed, especially if a tight deadline was met to achieve it. We all have ‘esteem needs’.

R – is for ‘Relevance’.  Whatever you choose to say or do in response to someone’s work must be relevant to the situation and subject at-hand.  There is no point diverting the message to encompass other things. If what ends up being discussed actually bears no relevance to the objective set or work completed; then the communication becomes meaningless and demoralising.

O – is for ‘Objective’.  Personal feelings should not shape nor prejudice the structure of the feedback taking place.   To that end, a big-picture approach is preferred.

P – is for ‘Participative’.  Communication should be a two-way affair.  Allowing the other person to respond is imperative in effective communication because both parties must listen to each other.  Allow time for questions to be raised and stay one-step ahead of the game by anticipating likely responses.

H – is for ‘Hierarchical’.  Concentrate on the most important part of the message that you want to convey rather than going through a seemingly endless list of compliments or complaints.  Too much focus on the positives or negatives will become patronising in the ear of the person who has provided the work.  This will cause them to switch-off and view you as a whining child.

Y – is for ‘Yours’.  Never subject anyone else to your interpretation of someone else’s view. Neither should you ever ‘dress up’ a view as someone else’s when in fact it came from you!  I once had a boss that did this all too often.  He’d say that someone in the organisation wasn’t happy with something I’d done or said when in fact it was him that wasn’t happy, but he lacked the guts to tell me himself.  If you’re ever asked to give a member of the team feedback that belongs to someone else then it’s their responsibility and ultimately their duty to give it.

Working in the dark is horrible.  As bosses and leaders, your vision should have a light.  An almost blinding light so that everyone can see it so that no one is ever left behind in the dark. 

In a winning team, we all need to take our turn to hold the Trophy!

Wishing every success in all that you do,


Keith

Keep Calm and Carry On...

I missed my flight on Saturday, due to a series of events over which I had very little or no control.

I had been in London for the week.  The first few days were spent work-shopping ideas with colleagues for exciting new products and then on the last two days I delivered a course for Enterprise Architects during which the delegates and I had lots of discussions around Emotional Intelligence and emotional self-control.  And so there was some irony in having my own levels of patience and ability to control a stressful situation tested less than 24-hours after the discussions had ended.

I had booked to fly out of Stansted Airport which is situated about 35-miles to the North East of London.  It is not uncommon for commuters to take a designated express train out of London to Stansted.  These fast trains usually run every 15-minutes and the journey takes around 40-minutes.  I had bought a return ticket for the Stansted Express when I arrived in the UK on the previous Saturday and had planned to take the trip in reverse to connect with my flight home.  So it was all arranged and straightforward…well, it should have been!

I arrived at the Station to take the train to the airport in good time however, I was soon informed that there had been a fatality on the rail line just minutes before my train was due to depart and so all services to Stansted were suspended.  The rail staff had no idea when the line would be re-opened so I had to take a contingency route which in reality meant taking a taxi.  I knew that this mode of transport would severely impact my time of arrival at the airport as although the distance between the two points is not necessarily that far, I would have to rely on the taxi’s ability to compete with London’s heavy traffic flow and numerous traffic light systems to get me there in-time.  I needed to find a taxi with a knowledgeable driver and find one quickly.

I began to feel stressed. 

Murphy’s law roughly assumes that ‘if anything can go wrong, it will.’  As I recount the situation, I now realise that I fully expected to miss my flight from the moment I was told that the train had been cancelled.  I don’t know why.  There should have been ample time to get to the airport.  Taxis are everywhere in London and must travel to the feeder airports every day.  Yet I had this nagging feeling in my gut that today was not going to be a day when things were to go in my favour.  To cut a long story short, I missed the usual baggage check-in by a few minutes.  I was directed to Security (the area where they X-ray your cabin luggage) with my bag for the hold.  I assumed, wrongly, that they would take my hold-baggage from me – as they do at the standard check-in - and that I would go through the usual process with the rest of the passengers.  It was here that I was informed that my hold-baggage would be treated the same as what people from the US call ‘carry-on’ baggage which meant that I would have any fluids, lotions, sharp objects etc, taken from me and was given a few minutes to remove all such items from my bag.  I’m still not sure why they insisted on this as one would think that a bag for the hold is a bag for the hold and that all are treated equally (unless all hold luggage gets X-rayed?).  Anyway, I had misunderstood the order to rid the bag of absolutely everything that had seemingly ever been in contact with water!  Subsequently, my hold bag failed the X-ray test and was put aside for searching.  I now had ten minutes to undergo a bag search and make it to the departure gate.  I knew it was never going to be completed in time and protested that I would now miss my flight.  Increasing stress levels and a breakdown in communication was causing anxiety neurons to fire all over my brain to the point where for a second, I considered leaving all luggage items and their now spilled contents where they were – displayed for the world to see and make a run for the departure gate.  Had I done this, I would have undoubtedly been arrested.  As the search concluded the security manager approached me to tell me that my gate had closed and that I had now indeed missed my flight.  The expected (but unexpected) wave of anger almost got the better of me.  I wanted to retaliate, to bang my fists on the desk, to shout at someone, anyone!  My first thoughts were about calling home to tell my wife and little boy that I wouldn’t be home.  I had spoken to my son via Skype only hours before and I knew that by now they would be getting ready to leave the house and drive to the arrival airport to pick me up.  I had bought my son a gift and he was really excited about getting it.  Now I had to make the call to tell him I couldn’t come home and that would make him sad.  Waves of anger lapping around in my head.  Feeling angry, looking angry, being angry.  I should have been on that flight.  If the taxi had got there just a few minutes earlier or the security staff had just an ounce of sympathy to my plight then I knew I would have made it.  Right about now I should be strapped in my aeroplane seat watching the pre-flight safety brief.  And then I thought about why I wasn’t.

Some of you will have probably considered this already but it wasn’t really at the forefront of my mind at the time.  Someone had died earlier that day.  Hit by a train. As I sat outside the airport with a large coffee I began to try to imagine what on earth they had been thinking about at the time.  I had assumed it was a suicide, later I found out that it had been an accident.  A tragic accident that ended the life of a schoolgirl and would shatter the lives of many, many others.  Anger was replaced by sadness, more so when the details were later released.
The main point of this post is in the very first line above which is repeated below:

“I missed my flight on Saturday, due to a series of events over which I had very little or no control.”

I had no control of the cause yet I reacted to the effect.  Struggling to maintain emotional behaviour can at times be very difficult.  How very quickly perceptions and interpretations of your environment trick your mind into thinking that events and people are conspiring against you.  There is mileage in the well-known saying that ‘it is what it is’.  Living in France I guess I should know better as I have yet to see an irate French national during my time here.  They appear to laugh in the face of stress and accept situations for what they are.  Of course, this attitude is not always possible so we must consider what level (if any) of influence over events we really have at the time we’re exposed to them.  To be emotionally competent and see the bigger picture at all times is a skill, but most skills can be developed and refined.

The fact is, I was inconvenienced whereas only an hour or so earlier someone’s life had ended and the aftermath of that would throw family and friends of the deceased into a hell pit.

Don’t sweat over what you can’t control.  Keep calm and carry on

Wishing you success in all that you do,

Keith

Dedicated to Katie Littlewood (may she rest in peace) aged 15

So... How are those New Year's resolutions going?

Happy New Year to you all!  

I sincerely hope that you are already experiencing the peace and good health that you may have wished for as the clock struck midnight on the last day of 2011.

So, what resolutions did you make?  Aside from a promising yourself to make every effort to transform your lifestyle by taking up another health club membership/dietary programme/marathon plan or make amends to previously difficult or dissolved relationships - what else did you wish for?  What else did you hope for?

I hope that you realise there is a good chance that at the same time you were considering your future, some of the people who work for you were vowing to change their own direction in some way.  Some will have decided that this is the year that they will take on a new challenge; a new beginning through a new job.

If you are a manager then my question to you is simple…

Why?

Why is it that some of your staff want to leave you and why does it take a traditional moment like New Year’s Eve for them to face up to the issues they have and plan to make such a significant change with such significant risks?

Things must be bad!

Firstly, you must not take it all too personally.  After all, I imagine you’ve made similar promises to yourself in the past that have never materialised.  In reality many of your people will not go through with it.  Most will get sidetracked with one thing or another but, some will make it, or at least get very close to seeing it through.  But this does not mean you should ignore it.

If you were to enter the words ‘common reasons why people leave jobs’ into a standard web search engine you will be faced with numerous articles and lists providing insight into the motivating factors that trigger such decisions.  I have read through quite a few of them whilst simultaneously writing this post and as one might expect – they are all saying more or less the same thing and citing the same reasons.  And those reasons are inevitably due to poor management.  Here’s a factoid that sums it up from: www.ihatemyjobnow.com:

“As is often said, “Employees don’t quit their companies, they quit their bosses.” About 35 percent of workers who have quit a job cite a bad boss as the deciding factor…”

Now I cannot guarantee the accuracy of the statistic quoted above but I can imagine that the perceived inter-relationship between ‘boss’ and ‘worker’ is the main motivator for the majority of resignation letters that cross the desk on a daily basis across the world over.   

Note I use the word ‘perceived’ as I believe that the employee’s misinterpretation of the relationship is often the root cause of workplace unhappiness.  Busy and stressed Bosses can sometimes over look the importance of the employee’s interpretation of the psychological contract. 

The prevention of free thinking and true ownership of tasks prohibits development and individuals will seek other opportunities to ‘make their mark’.  Similarly, a thankless environment and a culture of blame will also cause unrest and is not conducive to a happy workforce.  Managers must learn to lead; and leading effectively means empowering others.

It’s never too late to add to your New Year’s list of resolutions.  If you are a Manager; make sure that somewhere near the top of your list is the promise that you will make an extra effort to make your organisation an exciting and participative place to be for your workers and teams.  Promise yourself that you will consider the needs of your staff as part of your everyday activities.  Otherwise, you can guarantee that many of them will be doing their level best to act upon their resolution to leave.

Wishing you every success in all that you do,

Keith  

Attention! Le monstre aux yeux verts!!

Since my last post I have relocated myself and family to the South of France.  If you are anything like me - what Myers Briggs calls a ‘intuitive personality’, you might picture the South of France as a warm and relaxing place where one may sit under the shade of an olive tree sipping red wine, sampling fine cheeses and pastries; spending eternal summer days musing about philosophical aspects of your life.  The thought creates images of a sunshine-filled, indulgently stress-free existence. 

You may begin to wonder what your own life would be like in this type of environment.  How fantastic it would be to have a life like that!  To live out your days without a care in the world with nothing on your hands except time and butter from your croissants.  Quality time that is so precious in your ordinary, everyday world.  No rush hour traffic, no boring meetings and no need to ever the scrape ice from your car in the morning.  Idyllic isn’t it?

Now be honest.  Are you feeling a little jealous yet?    

Jealousy can be a deep-seated and destructive behavioural characteristic. 

We all have the capacity to be jealous and I imagine we have all realised our own jealous nature at some point in our lives.  But of course, there is a huge difference from being occasionally jealous of something or someone as opposed to having jealousy rule the majority of your life.

Many people believe that jealousy is directly linked with other emotions such as love and hatred.  Whereas I believe that jealousy is a marker of self-worth.  And it’s because of our own esteem needs in Maslow’s hierarchy, which are of course, perceptions of self-worth; that we see jealous behaviours in the workplace.

American writer Charley Reece (whose own views I would not normally associate with) wrote that:

‘If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.’ 

I think that this is an excellent analogy – despite my general dislike of Reece. 

Those consumed by jealousy can never truly be happy and at peace with themselves.  As their skewed perceptions of what others ‘possess’ serve as reminders of what a poor hand they have been dealt and of what they have possibly missed out on in their earlier life.

I am sympathetic to jealous people, to a point; but most can improve their own sense of worth if they really want to.

What the jealous refuse to accept on a subconscious level is the truth of the matter. 

Life in the South of France has so far been great – but not without pain I can assure you.  And I too long for days where I may sit under a tree (when it eventually does stop raining!) and catch up on all of the books I have collected over the years.  We are surrounded by people who speak a different language and where the stores close for two to three hours of the day – usually just when you really need to buy something. And surprisingly and somewhat worst of all..

Croissants are really expensive!

Wishing you all the very best in all that you do,

Keith   
 

Do you eat your own Dog Food?

The phrase – to ‘eat one’s own dog food’ is said to have started in Microsoft in the late 1980’s when they challenged themselves to internally promote and use their own products to demonstrate confidence in its ability.  Some may say that it’s the refined version of the saying to ‘drink one’s own Champagne’ however; I prefer the former because in my mind, to drink Champagne signals a celebration of a successful outcome when in reality, only a fool would celebrate success that was yet to be proven.

Following on from a post that I wrote back in June of this year entitled: ‘When Change can be as Good as a Rest’; my wife and I have decided to ‘eat our own dog food’ and realise an opportunity by upping sticks and relocating ourselves from the UK to France.  The move will take place in a matter of weeks.  We have rented and booked a variety of different styles of accommodation along the south coast of the country’s Languedoc region up until the end of January 2012 - with the option to extend our stay for as long as we wish for.  We’re fortunate that the UK’s membership of the European Union allows us freedom of movement to relocate to wherever in Europe that takes our fancy.  So, we’ve chosen France for a number of reasons but mostly because of the relaxed lifestyle and attitudes to the importance of ‘the family’, their first-rate healthcare system, the low crime rate (in comparison the UK) and their excellent standards of education.  And in taking advantage of this freedom of movement, our 10-year-old white Boxer dog will also be accompanying us.  She’s even got her own passport – but without the standard passport photograph!

So, as interesting and exciting as all this may be - where’s the relevance to Emotional Intelligence, Leadership or Management?

Well, if you haven’t already guessed it’s to do with the subject of ‘Change’.

We’re effectively enforcing huge change upon ourselves.  We’re seizing an opportunity that we’ve realised and we’re acting upon it.  Why?  Because we know that if we don’t attempt this now then we may at some point down the line live to regret it.  To avoid the ‘what if’s’ in years to come is something that we feel we must do.  If it doesn’t work; then we can enforce change again.  But clearly, we are not walking into this project with our eyes shut.  The realisation is both exciting and scary at the same time.  We’ve rented out our property and have made a contractual commitment to allow another family occupy our home for the next 12-months.  Although nothing is permanent; we can’t just choose to come home as soon as the going gets tough – which it inevitably will from time-to-time.

As we prepare to move through this transitional period, we have to keep focused on the anticipated challenges that change brings. I’ve been looking at work undertaken by John Fisher in relation to his model entitled ‘The Process of Transition’ so that we know what to expect as and when things happen.  Similar to experiences encountered through the grieving process, Fisher takes the view that reaction to personal change occurs as follows:

Anxiety.  Are we anxious?  Well, yes, indeed we are!  Not knowing what the future holds is daunting.  I mentioned earlier that the ‘what if’s’ may play on our minds for eternity if we don’t take this chance – but right now, the ‘what if’s’ are: ‘What if we don’t like it?  Can’t settle?  Aren’t accepted?  Miss home and family members?  What if we soon decide that the adventure has been one huge mistake?’  The ‘what if’s’ are still there.  They’re just a different set of ‘what if’s’.  So anxiety comes into play and will do until (if ever) we make the final decision to relocate permanently or not.      

Happiness.  For happiness I guess you could read anticipation.  It’s exciting!  Our hopes and dreams may be realised and the fact that we are making concerted changes to our lives, hopefully for the better, makes us happy.  There’s obviously something wrong somewhere that has brought about this idea in the first place.  Something strong enough for us to make such a large leap of faith and set about changing our lives that brings hope and the happiness we’re seeking.

Fear.  Like anxiety can sometimes grip you when you’re least expecting it. And that emotion gets stronger each time you achieve one of your objectives to reach your goal.  For example, last week I left my permanent job in order to embark on this adventure.  It was only when I was given a leaving gift and a card signed by my friends at work did I realise how ‘real’ the situation was.  That my imminent departure was not just some desire I’d once shared with my wife whilst watching numerous television programmes about relocating to the sun, but that this was really happening!

Threat.  For threat read worry.  We’re moving into a completely new and alien environment.  Despite the UK’s close geographical proximity to France there is a vast difference in cultures and expectations.  The mindsets are worlds apart.  The threat of not being accepted or almost worse, of having to come back and not be accepted is great – even if it may be a false threat. 

Guilt.  On many levels.  Feeling pangs of guilt that we’re moving away from loved ones.  That we may be betraying our own country by going to another.  Guilt that we’re acting selfishly as adults and that our son who will soon be having his fourth birthday celebrations away from his big sister and Grandparents makes us feel guilty.

Depression.  The loss of self-identity, that we don’t belong no matter how hard we try to integrate.  The feeling that we’ve made the wrong impression.  The depressing notion that we’ll long to turn back time and wish that we had not made the move in the first place.  The list is endless.  What if we never settle?  What if we’re seeking a utopia that doesn’t exist?  How will be feel of this does not work out as planned?

Following these emotions come disillusionment, hostility and denial.  They’re all great feelings to be looking forward to right?  Only happiness seems to be the positive emotion that awaits us – the rest, I’m sure you’ll agree are pretty gloomy. 

After reading this you may well ask: ‘So why do it?’

The reason is because that without taking chances and making changes the predictability of the square root of nothing happening is high.  Life will go on and on and before you know it the opportunities are lost and one of the few things left to keep you company are the ‘what if’s’.  Let’s face it; no one ever achieved anything without taking a risk.

What changes do you want to make to your life? 

More importantly, what changes CAN you make to your life?

Despite all of the above, we live in hope that there will soon come a time when we will be ‘drinking our own Champagne’.  After all, given its origins, what better country to do it in?

Wishing you well in everything that you do and in the changes that you may make.

Keith